I am sorry you didnt get into Princeton, Yale, UPenn, or Vanderbilt. First of all life is a bitch, a lot of people don’t even have the opportunity to go to college. Sorry you didnt get into your top schools.
Second of all I think you are missing the point. You stated that “In this day and age, we’re being judged on things that we cannot control as opposed to things that we can.” However you had control over your music lessons, you could have practiced a piano concerto for weeks and months on end and learned the importance of discipline. Or alternatively you talk of how unsupportive your family is of you - you could have taught yourself piano. Or perhaps, I know how much you hate that Elizabeth Warren talks of her heritage, what do you know of yours? What can you learn from your Grandmother or father? What qualities of the human condition have you learned from growing up in Pittsburgh the home of American Industry? The way you belittle the experience of others “show me any closet I would have walked out of it.” Sorry, fuck you, excuse me, but fuck you. Because people are abused and beaten for their sexuality does not mean you can simply say “I would have been a lesbian to go to Princeton” I am sorry but go fuck yourself. Life is not easy for everyone, and yes congratulations you got a 2120 on the SAT, I got a 1610 and it made my dad cry. And a 4.5 GPA (what does that even mean by the way) some people get 2120 (or God forbid a better score) and their parents didn’t love them because they weren’t alive. some people got into Princeton with only a 4.0 GPA but they balanced playing basketball and singing Chorus.
Lastly you aren’t being satirical when you critique the college admissions processes when all you have done is apply to college. 30Rock is funny because it is written by people who have worked in television. There is a grain of truth in 30Rock, when there is no grain of truth in your argument “my parents didnt love me obviously because I was the youngest of four…let me into your college” (paraphrasing of course). Why do you think you are privileged to go to an Ivy League College let alone any college, is it because your sister was the editor of the Op-Ed section of the Wall Street Journal? Sorry not buying it.
You applied to at least eight schools. At least. Do you know how much that costs? Upwards of 300 dollars. I applied to three and the application was free for two. I got into one college. It was by far not the most prestigious school, however that being said it was the best school for me.
That brings me to my last point. College is not the be all end all of your life (that’s law school. (Kidding, kidding.) College is what you will make of it whether it is leadership positions, extra-curriculars, or best friends. Maybe you will study abroad, or you will be a Residential Assistant. Maybe a conversation will lead to a life calling. Maybe a boyfriend will ruin your life. The next four years will effect you. Before you criticize and deconstruct everything as if you know everything be open to it.
As you are learning it isn’t all going to work out as you planned, but that’s okay. You got into school and you are going to school in the fall with air in your lungs, two feet and two hands.
PS. Suzy Lee Weiss was on the Today Show because she didn’t get into four colleges in one day, see it here: http://todaynews.today.com/_news/2013/04/04/17599221-op-ed-attacking-colleges-that-rejected-her-was-satire-student-says?lite #ICYMI